letting go

This post is about letting go. I know good writers don't start like that, but when something is sitting as heavily on your mind as this is on mine, you just have to get it out there from the start. I've been thinking a lot about the whole concept of letting go for quite a while now. Today it decided to walk up and punch me in the face. So here I am.
In the course of life there are many things that must be left behind. Sometimes they're people, sometimes places, sometimes ideas. No matter what it is that must be left, it can always be hard to let it go. Some things, I think, we're happy to say goodbye to. Other things though, are much harder to get on without.
As for me, I find myself living the strangest sort of life. I'm caught somewhere between an entire philosophy of living that I think I'm ready to leave and the person that I'm hoping to become. At the same time, I'm stuck between the person I thought was the love of my life and the whole wide world of possibilities. As I've spent most of the last year struggling with these issues I've realized a few things that I'd like to share now.
The first thing is probably the most important. You can't move on if you're standing still. What I mean by that is that you can't possibly let go of something and move forward in your life if you never change anything. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. If that is true, I'm most assuredly insane. I think most of us are in some aspect of life. I've realized lately that I really need to get out of my current atmosphere to have the kind of personal growth I am looking for. While I can't just up and move away yet (emphasis on the yet), I'm looking for ways to change things that I can. The only way to get different results is to do different things. It doesn't necessarily mean your whole life has to change, but it might.
Second, I've realized that my own happiness is more important than other people's happiness. That sounds really terrible and selfish. I guess it sort of is, but I think selfishness has an unnecessarily bad reputation. Sometimes you just have to look out for number one. When you're trying to let go and move forward, you have to do what is best for you. Sometimes what is best for you will be hard for someone else. That is just a price you have to pay.
Third, everyone responds to difficulties in their life differently. I know this seems obvious, but it can be hard to accept sometimes. Maybe it takes you longer than you thought to get over an ex and they're already seeing someone new. Maybe they're over it, maybe this is how they get over it. Either way, it isn't fair to judge other peoples' coping mechanisms. Likewise, it isn't fair to expect that other people feel the same way you do about a situation. It isn't fair to you or to them. I would also like to point out that it does absolutely no good to take personally the way another person chooses to deal with a situation. It probably has nothing to do with you.
Last, I'd like to put out a caution. When making an effort to move on, beware the perils of the selective memory. I recently went through a phase in which I was really into the Lady Antebellum song Need You Now. I felt as though it expressed exactly how I felt. The song came on while I was in the car with someone close to me and I said it was the story of my life. She listened, then reminded me that things were never perfect in my relationship. I had conveniently forgotten.
It is easy when you miss someone or something to only remember the good things. The truth is, nothing is perfect and you can't ignore all of the ways things weren't perfect for you. It only makes letting go that much harder. When you only remember the good, you trick yourself into believing that life would be wonderful now if you had whatever it is back. The truth is, no one person or place or job or whatever will ever make your whole life wonderful. There is nothing wrong with remembering the good times, but it only hurts in the end to forget the bad.
It's hard to let go. Really hard. The thing is, I know I've done a lot to sabotage my own progress and I'm sure we're all guilty of it sometimes. I've also learned a lot and for that I can only be grateful. In Paulo Coelho's book The Alchemist it says that when you really want something all the universe conspires to help you get it. However, its no secret that the help you receive isn't always the help you thought you'd want. Sometimes the way you're led to getting what you really want is rocky and hard, but all of that is important. All of that prepares you for whatever is coming next. I believe all of that to be true in life beyond the pages of that book, and so it is with this whole process of letting go and moving on. It is terribly hard, and sometimes you take one step forward and two steps back. In the end though, you come out better for all you've learned and you're more ready for what life will bring next. At least that's what I'm hoping for.