For four years of college the end of April signalled one blessed thing: the beginning of summer break. I know that April is a little early to start talking about summer, but I guess it is somehow programed in me now to start thinking of summer when the end of April rolls around. This is just my first year of many to come in which summer vacation will not be starting until June, but that doesn't mean I can't start thinking about it.
I had a sort of magical moment this evening. I was sitting outside in my backyard watching my dog run around, and I just got this summery feeling. Then I looked at my neighbors' house and they were outside making s'mores in their fire pit. Now I have to ask. What could be more summery than that? I just got so excited for summer to come.
I've always loved summer. I think there is something special about summer nights. The air just feels different. It is sort of enchanting. Sigh... I'm so excited. When I discovered the perfect summer job last year, it all came together. I'll be back at that job in two months. I can't wait.
I'm so looking forward to warm sunny mornings and crazy afternoon storms. I can't wait for a perfect breeze through my window at night. I'm not sure it ever hit me until tonight just how perfect summer feels. I'm so glad it's coming soon!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
it's still the year of honesty
Remember when I started this thing how excited I was about this being the year of honesty? I've been thinking in the last week that it is time to reclaim that excitement. I feel as though I've lost some of that fervour I had before. Case in point, the very friend with whom I made the year of honesty pledge and I had a total year of honesty fail recently. We made plans to do something together, but as it got closer, we both got over it. The problem was, we didn't tell each other because we didn't want the other to be disappointed. We admitted to each other after the fact that we were over it before it happened and had to kind of laugh. We could have saved ourselves so much time, money, and energy by just being honest with each other.
See guys. Life is better when you're honest. I know that the two of us are now reconnecting with that feeling we had about the year of honesty in the beginning. I'm really happy about it. I think the two of us have both begun to see that having this commitment to being honest with others and ourselves is vital to the personal changes we're trying to make right now.
This will have implications for the ol' blog too. I'm going to start writing a little more directly about being honest. I want to do this on a regular basis. Maybe like twice a month or something, we'll see. Hopefully I'll start having success stories rather than year of honesty failures.
See guys. Life is better when you're honest. I know that the two of us are now reconnecting with that feeling we had about the year of honesty in the beginning. I'm really happy about it. I think the two of us have both begun to see that having this commitment to being honest with others and ourselves is vital to the personal changes we're trying to make right now.
This will have implications for the ol' blog too. I'm going to start writing a little more directly about being honest. I want to do this on a regular basis. Maybe like twice a month or something, we'll see. Hopefully I'll start having success stories rather than year of honesty failures.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
rules for living (and dying)
The more I think about it, the more I believe that in life there are really only two basic rules to follow. I haven't decided yet if one is any more important than the other. The rules are to not hurt yourself and not hurt others. If you want to put that in positive behavioral terms, the rules are to be good to yourself and to be good to others. I think the rules take on a slightly different meaning when you put them in positive rather than negative terms, but they are essentially the same.
It seems to me that there are far more names for these rules than necessary. I mean, who is anyone kidding? No one came up with this stuff. No one can claim it. All the rules, standards, or suggestions for living life that I've heard that are any good essentially boil down to these two rules. So why do we need all the rest? Can't we figure out for ourselves whats best? Sadly, we have a hard time deciphering what is best for us, so most of us look to other sources for help in making decisions.
Here's the thing. I think we actually do know what is best. I think if we just broke it down and actually thought about the impact of our decisions on ourselves and on other people we could come up with the best answer. The problem is that so few of us do that. Really, no one does that all of the time. That friends, is why we as people seek out laws and religions and anything else to give us more direct guidance about how to live. Because life is just so much easier with fewer choices to make.
Alas, no matter how hard any of us try, we will inevitably come face to face with a problem that requires us to think beyond all of our immediate answers. Most of us will feel ill prepared because after all, haven't we been working to avoid this? Shouldn't we already have an answer for this? The fact is that there is no way to have an answer ready for everything. We have to be able to look within ourselves and find what is right. We have to be able to evaluate the potential impact on ourselves and on others. These are the real rules, the rules not only to live by but also to die by.
It seems to me that there are far more names for these rules than necessary. I mean, who is anyone kidding? No one came up with this stuff. No one can claim it. All the rules, standards, or suggestions for living life that I've heard that are any good essentially boil down to these two rules. So why do we need all the rest? Can't we figure out for ourselves whats best? Sadly, we have a hard time deciphering what is best for us, so most of us look to other sources for help in making decisions.
Here's the thing. I think we actually do know what is best. I think if we just broke it down and actually thought about the impact of our decisions on ourselves and on other people we could come up with the best answer. The problem is that so few of us do that. Really, no one does that all of the time. That friends, is why we as people seek out laws and religions and anything else to give us more direct guidance about how to live. Because life is just so much easier with fewer choices to make.
Alas, no matter how hard any of us try, we will inevitably come face to face with a problem that requires us to think beyond all of our immediate answers. Most of us will feel ill prepared because after all, haven't we been working to avoid this? Shouldn't we already have an answer for this? The fact is that there is no way to have an answer ready for everything. We have to be able to look within ourselves and find what is right. We have to be able to evaluate the potential impact on ourselves and on others. These are the real rules, the rules not only to live by but also to die by.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
getting ahead
I find it a little funny that, after writing my last post about changes, I would start this one thinking about how sometimes it feels like life is getting ahead of me. What I mean is that it feels like things happen that I'm not prepared for. It happens a lot, especially at this point in my life. I think everyone sort of feels this way when they're in their early twenties. Its odd though, a lot has happened in my life that I wasn't ready for, but only recently has it made me question if I'm in the place in my life that I should be.
Almost three years ago now two of my best friends got married and my dad died in the same month. If that doesn't turn your life upside down, I don't know what does. At the time though, I was alright. It was a really hard and lonely time in my life, but I got through it. I knew I was doing what I should be at the time, and I even took advantage of all of the upheaval and did some amazing things.
Now those same two friends are pregnant. I've been thinking about it a lot, and this time I have so many questions about where I am and where I should be. I'm not saying I wish I was married or starting my family because I sincerely do not. I'm not sure I want those things ever, but I know I'm not ready for them now. I guess knowing that these two ladies that I've known for so many years are ready to take this leap makes me wonder about a lot of things. I feel so ill prepared to have two of my oldest and dearest friends living on a completely different plane than I am. I told one of them that its like she is a real grown up now. Does that mean I'm not?
I know that I'm doing the things I need to to have the life I planned for myself. I guess I never realized the serious implications that life would have for my relationships. I think its just scary when you realize how different your life is from the people who stood by you through your most formative years.
I've talked about where I am in my life in relation to other people so much over the past couple of years. Only now is that comparison becoming real. I don't think there is any standard for what anyone should or shouldn't do or want in life at any particular time. I think though, that it starts to feel that way when people you love are doing different things than you are. I guess the point of this whole post is that sometimes it really does feel like things are getting ahead of you. You can never really be ready for what is coming next. The only thing you can do in those times is try to evaluate where you are and where you think you should be for yourself. The last thing you need is to make a step you aren't ready for. You'll inevitably stumble, if not fall.
Almost three years ago now two of my best friends got married and my dad died in the same month. If that doesn't turn your life upside down, I don't know what does. At the time though, I was alright. It was a really hard and lonely time in my life, but I got through it. I knew I was doing what I should be at the time, and I even took advantage of all of the upheaval and did some amazing things.
Now those same two friends are pregnant. I've been thinking about it a lot, and this time I have so many questions about where I am and where I should be. I'm not saying I wish I was married or starting my family because I sincerely do not. I'm not sure I want those things ever, but I know I'm not ready for them now. I guess knowing that these two ladies that I've known for so many years are ready to take this leap makes me wonder about a lot of things. I feel so ill prepared to have two of my oldest and dearest friends living on a completely different plane than I am. I told one of them that its like she is a real grown up now. Does that mean I'm not?
I know that I'm doing the things I need to to have the life I planned for myself. I guess I never realized the serious implications that life would have for my relationships. I think its just scary when you realize how different your life is from the people who stood by you through your most formative years.
I've talked about where I am in my life in relation to other people so much over the past couple of years. Only now is that comparison becoming real. I don't think there is any standard for what anyone should or shouldn't do or want in life at any particular time. I think though, that it starts to feel that way when people you love are doing different things than you are. I guess the point of this whole post is that sometimes it really does feel like things are getting ahead of you. You can never really be ready for what is coming next. The only thing you can do in those times is try to evaluate where you are and where you think you should be for yourself. The last thing you need is to make a step you aren't ready for. You'll inevitably stumble, if not fall.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
ch-ch-ch-ch changes...
There are times in life, I've noticed recently, when you realize just how much living you've done and sometimes how much you have left to do. I think that for the most part we all just live our lives from day to day and think very little about all the subtle changes that happen all the time. Don't get me wrong, I think that is the way it is supposed to be. Our lives are supposed to change because we are supposed to change. Sometimes it is hard when the people in our lives change in ways that don't make sense to us. The funny thing is, those people may very well be thinking the exact same thing about us.
I think I have the chance to think about this sort of thing more often than a lot of people because I went away to college and then moved home after for more school. After being gone for four years, things are bound to be different. That was kind of hard for me at first. I came home expecting it to feel like, well... like home. I wanted to feel the same sense of security that I did when I was younger, and I was really upset when I realized I wasn't going to get that. I've since realized that it was foolish of me to believe that I was going to return to the same place I left years ago. I've learned and grown and changed so much in the last few years. It was naive to believe that other people and places wouldn't be doing the same.
They say that the only thing that remains constant is change. I believe that. The funny thing is how change sometimes sneaks up on us when we think we're staying the same. You know what I'm talking about. Its like when you have a friend that you've always talked to often, but slowly but surely you lose touch. Or when you're in a relationship and totally in love, but you just stop trying so much because you're so comfortable and then one day you realize that the magic is gone. If you're anything like me, you sit there are think over and over these situations and wonder how it happened. In the end though, there is nothing you can really point to. Change happened when you weren't looking.
Sometimes we make changes on purpose, but more often it just happens as a result of the lives we lead. I was going to make some statement about how there are certain things you'd want to keep the same, but I'm not. It just isn't possible to stop change from happening. The only thing you can do is try your hardest to make the changes be for the better. Life will move forward whether you're ready or not. I guess we just have to do our best to be ready.
I think I have the chance to think about this sort of thing more often than a lot of people because I went away to college and then moved home after for more school. After being gone for four years, things are bound to be different. That was kind of hard for me at first. I came home expecting it to feel like, well... like home. I wanted to feel the same sense of security that I did when I was younger, and I was really upset when I realized I wasn't going to get that. I've since realized that it was foolish of me to believe that I was going to return to the same place I left years ago. I've learned and grown and changed so much in the last few years. It was naive to believe that other people and places wouldn't be doing the same.
They say that the only thing that remains constant is change. I believe that. The funny thing is how change sometimes sneaks up on us when we think we're staying the same. You know what I'm talking about. Its like when you have a friend that you've always talked to often, but slowly but surely you lose touch. Or when you're in a relationship and totally in love, but you just stop trying so much because you're so comfortable and then one day you realize that the magic is gone. If you're anything like me, you sit there are think over and over these situations and wonder how it happened. In the end though, there is nothing you can really point to. Change happened when you weren't looking.
Sometimes we make changes on purpose, but more often it just happens as a result of the lives we lead. I was going to make some statement about how there are certain things you'd want to keep the same, but I'm not. It just isn't possible to stop change from happening. The only thing you can do is try your hardest to make the changes be for the better. Life will move forward whether you're ready or not. I guess we just have to do our best to be ready.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
best days
For reasons even I'm not sure of, I took a bit of a break from my dear friend, the blog. I've certainly had interesting things to talk about brewing in my mind in that time, and I'm stoked to start sharing them.
First things first. As most who would read this know, I just had a birthday. I was in my car driving to school on my birthday when I heard the song My Best Days are Ahead of Me by Danny Gokey on the radio. Its a country song, for those who've not heard it. Here are the lyrics:
Blowing out the candles
on another birthday cake
Old enough to look back
and laugh at my mistakes
young enough to look at the future
and like what I see
my best days are ahead of me
life hasn't always been a party,
but mostly its been good
there's only one or two things
that I'd change if I could
I don't get lost in the past
or stuck in some sad memory
my best days are ahead of me
Age is nothing but a number
Sometimes I have to wonder
What does it really mean
But hey I'm still putting it together
I keep getting better
if I keep getting better
I can be whatever I want to be
My best days are ahead of me
Age is nothing but a number
Sometimes I have to wonder
What does it really mean
But hey I'm still putting it together
I keep getting better
if I keep getting better
I can be whatever I want to be
My best days are ahead of me
I've got sunsets to witness
dreams to dance with
beaches to walk on
and lovers to kiss
there's a whole lot of world out there
that I can't wait to see
My best days are ahead of me
My best days are ahead of me
I'd heard it before, but it seemed particularly appropriate that day. Earlier in the day I'd been thinking about the last year of my life. I'm not 22 anymore, and I had to ask myself if being 22 was even all that great to begin with. It certainly had its ups and downs. It was certainly a year of changes. I guess you could say I'm looking forward to this whole being 23 thing. I think though, that you should never really get to a point in life where you don't look forward to the year ahead. At 23 I think it is very safe to say that my best days are ahead, but I wonder if I'll ever reach a point where I don't think they are anymore. I really don't believe in being 'past your prime' or whatever. But then, I am sure I haven't reached mine yet.
On the other hand, shouldn't right now be the prime of your life? The time in which we live is the only time we have control over. Doesn't that mean that right now can and should be the prime of our lives? I think that if we lived like that it would be a lot easier to look to the future with enthusiasm rather than skepticism.
First things first. As most who would read this know, I just had a birthday. I was in my car driving to school on my birthday when I heard the song My Best Days are Ahead of Me by Danny Gokey on the radio. Its a country song, for those who've not heard it. Here are the lyrics:
Blowing out the candles
on another birthday cake
Old enough to look back
and laugh at my mistakes
young enough to look at the future
and like what I see
my best days are ahead of me
life hasn't always been a party,
but mostly its been good
there's only one or two things
that I'd change if I could
I don't get lost in the past
or stuck in some sad memory
my best days are ahead of me
Age is nothing but a number
Sometimes I have to wonder
What does it really mean
But hey I'm still putting it together
I keep getting better
if I keep getting better
I can be whatever I want to be
My best days are ahead of me
Age is nothing but a number
Sometimes I have to wonder
What does it really mean
But hey I'm still putting it together
I keep getting better
if I keep getting better
I can be whatever I want to be
My best days are ahead of me
I've got sunsets to witness
dreams to dance with
beaches to walk on
and lovers to kiss
there's a whole lot of world out there
that I can't wait to see
My best days are ahead of me
My best days are ahead of me
I'd heard it before, but it seemed particularly appropriate that day. Earlier in the day I'd been thinking about the last year of my life. I'm not 22 anymore, and I had to ask myself if being 22 was even all that great to begin with. It certainly had its ups and downs. It was certainly a year of changes. I guess you could say I'm looking forward to this whole being 23 thing. I think though, that you should never really get to a point in life where you don't look forward to the year ahead. At 23 I think it is very safe to say that my best days are ahead, but I wonder if I'll ever reach a point where I don't think they are anymore. I really don't believe in being 'past your prime' or whatever. But then, I am sure I haven't reached mine yet.
On the other hand, shouldn't right now be the prime of your life? The time in which we live is the only time we have control over. Doesn't that mean that right now can and should be the prime of our lives? I think that if we lived like that it would be a lot easier to look to the future with enthusiasm rather than skepticism.
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