getting ahead

I find it a little funny that, after writing my last post about changes, I would start this one thinking about how sometimes it feels like life is getting ahead of me. What I mean is that it feels like things happen that I'm not prepared for. It happens a lot, especially at this point in my life. I think everyone sort of feels this way when they're in their early twenties. Its odd though, a lot has happened in my life that I wasn't ready for, but only recently has it made me question if I'm in the place in my life that I should be.
Almost three years ago now two of my best friends got married and my dad died in the same month. If that doesn't turn your life upside down, I don't know what does. At the time though, I was alright. It was a really hard and lonely time in my life, but I got through it. I knew I was doing what I should be at the time, and I even took advantage of all of the upheaval and did some amazing things.
Now those same two friends are pregnant. I've been thinking about it a lot, and this time I have so many questions about where I am and where I should be. I'm not saying I wish I was married or starting my family because I sincerely do not. I'm not sure I want those things ever, but I know I'm not ready for them now. I guess knowing that these two ladies that I've known for so many years are ready to take this leap makes me wonder about a lot of things. I feel so ill prepared to have two of my oldest and dearest friends living on a completely different plane than I am. I told one of them that its like she is a real grown up now. Does that mean I'm not?
I know that I'm doing the things I need to to have the life I planned for myself. I guess I never realized the serious implications that life would have for my relationships. I think its just scary when you realize how different your life is from the people who stood by you through your most formative years.
I've talked about where I am in my life in relation to other people so much over the past couple of years. Only now is that comparison becoming real. I don't think there is any standard for what anyone should or shouldn't do or want in life at any particular time. I think though, that it starts to feel that way when people you love are doing different things than you are. I guess the point of this whole post is that sometimes it really does feel like things are getting ahead of you. You can never really be ready for what is coming next. The only thing you can do in those times is try to evaluate where you are and where you think you should be for yourself. The last thing you need is to make a step you aren't ready for. You'll inevitably stumble, if not fall.