what do you want?

So a month or so ago a friend of mine was asked what she wanted by a guy. I would like to comment here that I think that fact alone is pretty amazing. Even more amazing, after giving it some thought, my friend came up with a list of things that she actually wants. I think its pretty awesome. Her list had some practical wants on it that she could buy or whatever and some other things that were not material.
Anyway, I was thinking about this wish list of sorts that my friend made and I thought it could be a positive exercise. I think it would be good to put pen to paper from time to time and make a list of wants. If the same things are on your lists time after time, I think that is a good indication that it is time to make some changes. Obviously if you always want the same things and never get them, you need to do something differently to get closer to having them.
So, what do I want? It is actually a much harder question to answer than you'd think it should be. There are certain things that I want in my life that are solid. There are other things though that just seem like big fat question marks. That said, here is my current list of wants. Some of them I realize are easier to come by than others.
I want:
to stop feeling sick before I leave for my trip on Wednesday, my new puppy to be ready to live with me already, a desire to work out regularly, some amount of certainty that the career path I'm on is the right one, to know the secret to happiness, to be able to make chocolate chip cookies as good as my moms, to feel less crazy, some cute springy clothes, to fall in love and not have it fall apart, financial independence, my car to stop making funny sounds, and to be less pale.
I guess the usefulness in a list like this would be picking a thing or two at a time to work on obtaining. Even if you don't do that, it is kind of interesting to be honest with yourself about what you actually want. Not everything on the list needs to be deep and important, that makes it seem too hard. Right now, today, what do you want? Think about it, then write it down.

happy listening

Today's post is an ode to music's role in my life. I just love how no matter what I'm feeling, there is always the right song to listen to. When I'm feeling kind of nostalgic I can listen to some sweet jams from the past. When I'm missing someone, I listen to the music that reminds me of them. When I feel kinda hyper I listen to something I can bounce around and sing along to. Anyway, you get the picture. I guess my feelings about music aren't really very different from anyone else's. I guess sometimes music just strikes me more than others, you know?
For example, I was bopping along to Mika's Blue Eyes the other day when I actually stopped to listen to the lyrics. It says, "Come sorrow is so peculiar, comes in a day then it'll never leave you. You take a pill wonder if it will fix you, then wonder why sorrow has never left you." I was like, oh my gosh. That's so true. I feel that way sometimes. Too often, if I'm being totally honest. As a former Prozac popper, I can say that's how it feels. You get this freaking pill and hope beyond anything you've hoped before that it'll work, and more often than not you still feel crappy. Oh Mika, you know me too well.

I wish that I could write amazing music that would touch people's lives. The thing about music is that is doesn't have to really be anything in particular to have an impact on people's lives. Music is everywhere. Even a lame song you danced to with your friends one night becomes linked to the experience. Just try to hear that song without thinking of them. You can't. I love that. I mean, sometimes it is really annoying when you can't hear a song without thinking of someone. I get that. But today I'm just really excited about how awesome music is.
In closing, here are my top three favorite things about great music.
1. it says the things I can't
2. it gets super intertwined with my memories
3. I can listen to the same song over and over and over again just soaking it in.
Ok, now go listen to something awesome.

up in the gym just workin on my fitness

Observation of the week: gyms are not for fat people. Gyms are havens for those that are already in fantastic shape and spend their days pumping iron and drinking protein shakes. This observation is clearly coming from a chubby girl, but I think it's pretty obvious. There was a time in my life when I worked out a lot. Even then, I was chubby and felt huge next to some of the girls in the gym. I felt better about myself then than I had in years, but I still felt a twinge of insecurity every single time I walked into the gym.
I went to the gym this week for the first time in a while and I was convinced that I was the fattest person there. What gives? You'd think that since the diet industry is so huge there would be more fatties trying to slim down. I guess not. Truthfully, I think a lot of people feel uncomfortable going to the gym. I feel insecure while I'm there. It doesn't bother me enough to never go again, but it wouldn't surprise me if people were bothered that much. Think about it, CURVES exists because women feel too insecure to work out in a traditional gym setting. This really bothers me.
It seems like everyone should feel welcome to improve themselves. I guess in theory everyone is welcome to go to the gym and workout and get fit. The fact is though, that not everyone IS equally welcome. Anyone who has been to a gym knows this to be true. The feeling I get every time I go is a conflict between never ever wanting to walk into that menacing building again and wanting to go back every day to show those protein shake junkies that I belong there just as much as they do. And maybe that's it. Maybe I feel like I don't belong there because I'm not as dedicated to my fitness as the others.
The chubby girl in the gym will never feel as comfortable as the women with utterly perfect bodies next to her. I think it is important to remember that those women are working for those perfect bodies. Getting fit is a process for everyone. For some of us it just seems to be a longer one.