Why is it that I feel compelled to tell people I'm happy for them when their news actually makes me want to smother myself with a pillow? That, dear friends, is the question of the day. Here it is, my year of honesty, and I can't get a handle on this one. I was feeling proud of myself for taking this honesty thing to heart, but I will concede that there are circumstances when saying your true feelings isn't exactly prudent. A call for honesty is certainly not a call for rudeness. There is, however, a difference between being rude and just not saying the polite thing. I'm not sure it's polite to be insincere. I'm really struggling with this one.
The thing is, friends are always sharing some news that they're really excited about. I just find myself in want of the same enthusiasm. I mean, what is the appropriate response when your friend tells you she is going to marry someone she met a month ago? How do you react when you find out your young friend is pregnant again already? What do you say when a friend you have a secret crush on gets engaged? The list goes on. All of these are real situations from my life. All of these people I congratulated because they were happy. But inside I was freaking out. I wanted to scream, "you're doing what?!" The funny thing is, I really admire that quickie marriage. Those kids are happy. The pregnant friend LOVES being a mom and she is great at it. I should have given her more credit. My secret crush didn't mean anything. How silly of me to let it stop me from being happy for a good friend.
So I wonder, was I right to congratulate these friends? Should I have said I was stoked for them when I was actually skeptical? In these cases they convinced me in the long run, but not everyone does. I'm skeptical of my friends' life choices as I'm sure they are of mine. I just think it usually isn't my place to say so. So, should I say nothing? Or should I really keep telling people I'm stoked about their plans that have me worried about the rest of their lives? Then again, who am I to tell people their plans are no good? Just because a certain way of life doesn't work for me doesn't mean that it doesn't work at all. I guess the answer is that I continue to be happy when those I love are happy. That part has always been sincere. If someone wants to know how I really feel, they'll ask. Until or unless that happens, I'm stoked for you friends. I suppose that I'm glad you find happiness in things that bring me anxiety. It brings balance to the world.
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That's a ball buster for sure. It definitely makes it hard to be honest. I think you've found a happy medium. You're happy they're happy. That's honest. If you really want to examine it, as you're prone to, simply look at the 7 deadly sins. Usually it's one of these behind my misery. Wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy and gluttony. I hate admitting I have any of these faults. The one that causes me the most mental strife is envy. I hate that I feel envious of other people. Pride is another trait that brings about conflict in my mind. The rest of them, ah they just make me who I am, lol. For me, if it's not one of the above "sins" causing me the mental anguish, it's because I think the "happy" person is being a complete idiot. And I then tell them they're being an idiot in a kind, loving way:) Btw, smothering yourself with a pillow takes a really, really long time:) Nice blog Katie. Something to think about in this year of honesty.
ReplyDeleteKatie Round, I hope you will come visit me in my house even if you secretly don't want to. :)
ReplyDeleteLike, soon.
Two things. First, I am aware of the challenge of smothering myself with a pillow. It just sounds so much nicer than slitting my wrists. Second, I actually do think its really cool that one of my friends is getting a house. I find it a little mind boggling, but awesome.
ReplyDeleteHaha Katie as always I love you and your honesty because if when I got engaged you would have said wow Tiff...and whatever else you felt like saying it would have only brought us closer. I am truley grateful to have such a good friend as you. I know that anything you do say to me is out of love and that you have my best interest at heart. Also I feel like you know me so much better than lots of other said friends who have ended up showing what malicious people they are and that they do not care but are just not good people. So you keep on doing whatever you think is best because I think exactly who you are is perfect. Love ya and miss you.
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